Christ Centered Relationships

 

As I watched the video above yesterday, the Lord’s word pierced my heart intensely. The message was SO timely for me in my marriage. I have been feeling discontent in certain things about my husband and having expectations of him that never seemed to be met. This ranged from wishing we would spend more leisure time together, to the way he was leading our family spiritually.

 

When Lisa Chan spoke about how detrimental that mindset is to us as Christian wives, my spirit was greatly moved. Because the greater issue here is that I am not at a place of fulfillment in Christ and I am expecting Vitaliy to satisfy the needs that he was never meant to satisfy. I, subconsciously, try to fill my lack of a deep, personal, relationship with Christ, with the practical aspects of our relationship.

 

The example of the “air tank” was so perfect for what we had been experiencing. I was using Vitaliy’s “air” as a means of “life” and never actually being filled. Instead I need to be so consumed and filled with my Lord that I am not NEEDING Vitaliy to “fill me”. That’s not to say we will live separate lives and not enjoy each other, but I do believe we won’t understand the full beauty of marriage until we are both completely satisfied with our Lord, and only then will our marriage be filled with satisfaction in every sphere.

 

I’ve spent a lot of time reading different marriage books, and though I do highly encourage them to be read, I feel they did install a bit of “here are what my needs are, and I can throw them at my husband when I feel they aren’t being met” mentality. Not that the marriage books actually say that, but by bringing those practical aspects of humans to light, it’s easy to get caught up in the your needs/my needs cycle. I know what I need, and I think I know what you need, so as long as we’re taking care of those needs, then we are doing good. I do think they do a great job of explaining psychological differences in men/women, and different personalities in general. And there are a lot of practical things that are great to know and understand, so I am not invalidating those types of books at all.

 

But often, the “bigger picture” of marriage is lost when we get immersed into that mentality. What about the eternal purpose of marriage to be an example to the world of Christ and His church? There’s also the sanctification we can go through during marriage, if we allow our “rough spots” to be worked on by the Lord. What about the thought that marriage is temporary? Francis Chan makes a great point that it’s so easy to be so “focused on the family” that it becomes an idol. Sadly that form of idolatry is not always seen as a bad thing in most Christian churches, when indeed the Lord says: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26 or that “When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” Mark 12:25…how do we apply those verses to our “marriage-focused lives”?  Doesn’t Christ make it clear that our focus on the earth is to spread the gospel, to follow hard after Him? When we get so consumed by each other (husband/wife) doesn’t that take away from our eternal focus?

 

Yes, the Lord is clear on how a husband and wife need to love/respect each other and I’m not saying that a husband is not to be loving towards his wife or be a good provider. I’m also not saying that a women should neglect the duties of being his helpmeet, but Christ and the gospel should be our ultimate drive.

 

I want to be so encompassed by my relationship with Christ that I am not constantly nagging my husband to fill needs in me that he is not capable of meeting because he was not created to do so. I want my focus to be on the eternal things, and I want our marriage to be useful to the purposes of God in furthering His kingdom! Knowing that this life and marriage is temporary…

Below is another great message on moving beyond a “focus on our family”, to the greater purposes of God.