“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”-Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)
I originally didn’t want to start my first blog entry on a “bad note”, but I truly believe this is an issue that we, as young wives, get slapped with very early on in our marriage.
Our honeymoon time and the next couple weeks seemed to be very dating-like. I was more than willing to serve my husband and give things up for his sake. My feelings of “love” (really infatuation) drove me to be sacrificing and giving.
As time waned, I started seeing more and more of my “natural” self appear. Harsh words, annoyed looks, selfish actions came out that started showing how much my world was truly all about me. The ironic thing is both my husband and myself come from families with 12 children, so we’ve always prided ourselves in our non-selfish upbringing.
So things I didn’t think my husband would ever see in me started appearing….things I didn’t know I harbored were surfacing. The biggest one being bitterness which comes straight from selfishness. Ugly, ugly bitterness. The kind where little actions/words/reactions he had said or done were being stored in some distant place in my brain I didn’t know existed. I started having small outbursts that were initiated by seemingly meaningless things. And my “natural” self was being more and more exposed to the one person who was going to know me best.
When I used to hear the words “selfish” or “bitter” I never thought I’d associate them with myself.
My husband was and continues to be amazingly gracious. Amidst all those outbreaks, his peaceful demeanor stayed strong. I would go straight to a “flight” response while my husband always chose “fight”. He wanted us to work through things as soon as they came up, while I wanted to rage out in a long “speech” and then walk out with stone-cold silence. How absolutely silly and detrimental my actions were (and sadly continue to be). I was always the one to create the divide between us in my self-righteous silence. HE was always in the wrong, while I was reacting with the justified response (or so I thought).
How shameful thinking back to how commonly the scenario above replayed itself within our first two years of marriage.
Marriage is a great test to see exactly how sinful and dirtied we are as people without Christ’s covering.
In conclusion, I know I don’t really include an “answer” to the issue of our selfish hearts- I want to address it further in another post, but I’ll end with this:
“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”-Lamentations 3:22-24 (NIV)
Thank you dear Heavenly Father that your mercy and grace are so great towards us!
i know exactly what you mean about finding bitterness in your heart. sometimes i find myself bitterly rehashing all things my husband had done that had hurt me lately, revisiting all of them. and then i just grow more bitter. i have to literally catch myself and stop my thoughts and remind myself that its not about me and without God we are all prone to sin.
ReplyDeleteVal,i can relate exactly! I guess thats why we are encouraged by Paul in Corinthians:
ReplyDelete"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
WHAT A GREAT THING TO REMEMBER!
I didn't know you had a blog... I love it! thank you for this encouraging reminder :)
ReplyDeleteAnastasia... Take it from an old married woman (15 years). It's no sin to let your husband know he's wronged you. If you are angry, it's not wrong to let him know. If you don't, nothing will ever be resolved, and the bitterness will turn within, and your heart will harden and you will never be the same. He's right to want to fight instead of running. He wants to learn, and resolve. I think, from what I read here, that you get that.
ReplyDeleteHere's some unsolicited Godly advice: You have more choices than just fight or flight. Prepare your heart. Try to remember that men and women are so different and have different priorities in relationship. And that men (I'm not man-bashing here) honestly don't understand the hearts of women. They need a sort of honest training. If he loves you, he wants to see you happy. He wants you to thrive. But he doesn't know how that happens without your help. Remind yourself that you love him, remember a tender moment you have shared together. Pray. Then go to him with a calm heart. Try to honestly speak your heart without bitterness, accusation, or hurtful words, and without running away. Don't be afraid to cry, but don't use it as a tool. Take a deep breath and calmly voice your concerns. Have a discussion, not a fight. It's hard work, don't be mistaken... But if you can do this, you will be stronger, and your relationship will thrive. You want him to do that for you, don't you?
You are young and you are learning (along with the rest of us) how to be a good wife. Something that is always so very difficult. But the fact that you are examining, with such honesty, your shortcomings tells me that you are mature beyond your age. It's my belief that you are a wonderful wife. You are human, so not without flaw (just like all of us). But keep your eyes on the Lord and He will bring you (and Vitaliy) along in His time and in His way.
Thank you for sharing your lovely heart and being so transparent. This is a great ministry. We all need the encouragement you offer.