Sophia Grace Belonozhko

On Sat, Nov 2nd, 2013 at 1:49pm I gave birth to my daughter.

Sophia Grace Belonozhko

6lbs 13oz

"A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world."

John 16:21

Amen and amen.

 

WE HAVE TRULY BEEN BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!

Grace-Filled Christianity

My husband and I have been learning a lot about the beauty of grace lately. This was spurred by a book called “Jesus + Nothing = Everything” by Tullian Tchividjian.

This book deals with the two “extreme” views on grace.

·        WORKS- One says “Yes, I believe that faith in Jesus gets me into heaven, but my works help keep me there”.

·        CHEAP GRACE- The other says “Yes, I believe that faith in Jesus gets me to heaven, grace covers all, so I choose to live however I want, all will be forgiven”.

Sadly, this is very representative of many Christians I’ve come into contact with.

Tullian combats both views with the reminder that if we have a real knowledge of God’s grace and the price that was paid by Jesus, we would not be in either position above.

WORKS-- By deciding that “works” are necessary for obtaining eternal life, you diminish the work of the cross. You are essentially saying “Thanks for what you did Jesus, but I can take it from here”. The purpose of the law was to drive us to Christ, so why do we strive to go back to it, when it’s only a reminder of our INABILITY to achieve holiness.

CHEAP GRACE- If we live in the constant reminder of God’s grace, we would not choose to “sin, so that grace may abound”. We would desire to live a life that pleases the one we love and cherish a relationship with. Why would we purposefully hurt Him/ourselves knowing the detriment of the choices we make?

So what does this mean daily?

Daily, I will choose to live a life that pleases God. I will fail at times; I will repent and then remind myself of His perfect covering. I will be free from feeling like a guilty failure.  I will treat those around me, especially my husband, with grace. Understanding his sinful nature is not worse than mine and needs grace just as much as me. I will consistently be in awe and grateful to my Lord, for the work HE’S done, so that I can be with Him in this life and the next. To HIM be the glory forever, amen!

These are my quick thoughts on about a month’s time of pondering. I know this is a touchy and controversial subject, but I would hope all responses would be done in the spirit of love.

Christ Centered Relationships

 

As I watched the video above yesterday, the Lord’s word pierced my heart intensely. The message was SO timely for me in my marriage. I have been feeling discontent in certain things about my husband and having expectations of him that never seemed to be met. This ranged from wishing we would spend more leisure time together, to the way he was leading our family spiritually.

 

When Lisa Chan spoke about how detrimental that mindset is to us as Christian wives, my spirit was greatly moved. Because the greater issue here is that I am not at a place of fulfillment in Christ and I am expecting Vitaliy to satisfy the needs that he was never meant to satisfy. I, subconsciously, try to fill my lack of a deep, personal, relationship with Christ, with the practical aspects of our relationship.

 

The example of the “air tank” was so perfect for what we had been experiencing. I was using Vitaliy’s “air” as a means of “life” and never actually being filled. Instead I need to be so consumed and filled with my Lord that I am not NEEDING Vitaliy to “fill me”. That’s not to say we will live separate lives and not enjoy each other, but I do believe we won’t understand the full beauty of marriage until we are both completely satisfied with our Lord, and only then will our marriage be filled with satisfaction in every sphere.

 

I’ve spent a lot of time reading different marriage books, and though I do highly encourage them to be read, I feel they did install a bit of “here are what my needs are, and I can throw them at my husband when I feel they aren’t being met” mentality. Not that the marriage books actually say that, but by bringing those practical aspects of humans to light, it’s easy to get caught up in the your needs/my needs cycle. I know what I need, and I think I know what you need, so as long as we’re taking care of those needs, then we are doing good. I do think they do a great job of explaining psychological differences in men/women, and different personalities in general. And there are a lot of practical things that are great to know and understand, so I am not invalidating those types of books at all.

 

But often, the “bigger picture” of marriage is lost when we get immersed into that mentality. What about the eternal purpose of marriage to be an example to the world of Christ and His church? There’s also the sanctification we can go through during marriage, if we allow our “rough spots” to be worked on by the Lord. What about the thought that marriage is temporary? Francis Chan makes a great point that it’s so easy to be so “focused on the family” that it becomes an idol. Sadly that form of idolatry is not always seen as a bad thing in most Christian churches, when indeed the Lord says: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26 or that “When the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” Mark 12:25…how do we apply those verses to our “marriage-focused lives”?  Doesn’t Christ make it clear that our focus on the earth is to spread the gospel, to follow hard after Him? When we get so consumed by each other (husband/wife) doesn’t that take away from our eternal focus?

 

Yes, the Lord is clear on how a husband and wife need to love/respect each other and I’m not saying that a husband is not to be loving towards his wife or be a good provider. I’m also not saying that a women should neglect the duties of being his helpmeet, but Christ and the gospel should be our ultimate drive.

 

I want to be so encompassed by my relationship with Christ that I am not constantly nagging my husband to fill needs in me that he is not capable of meeting because he was not created to do so. I want my focus to be on the eternal things, and I want our marriage to be useful to the purposes of God in furthering His kingdom! Knowing that this life and marriage is temporary…

Below is another great message on moving beyond a “focus on our family”, to the greater purposes of God.

 

A List of My Favorite Books on Marriage

Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy
By Gary Thomas

God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation

By Andreas J. Kostenberger

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, & Life Together

By Mark Driscoll & Grace Driscoll

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

By Gary Chapman

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

By Willard Harley

The Art of Marriage Series

By FamilyLife

A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy

By Douglas Rosenau

Intended for Pleasure

By Ed Wheat, M.D. & Gaye Wheat

 

Specifically for women

A Woman After God's Own Heart

By Elizabeth George

The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective

Martha Peace

Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious

By Debi Pearl

The Power of a Praying Wife

by Stormie Omartian

For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men

By Shaunti Feldhahn

Do I Believe the Bible?

Do I believe the Bible? Do I REALLY believe that the Lord God, Yahweh, wrote and spoke every word in the Bible through the various writers he chose? Especially in the passages that apply to my role as a wife, support system, lover, helpmate, friend to my husband…?

What about when my perceptions of a wonderful married life are being shattered every day?
Am I really supposed to follow my husband’s lead even in the little things that keep shaping our life VERY differently than I had planned?

What about when my husband’s late again and didn’t call, AGAIN?
Am I really supposed to choose joy and gladness instead of anger and bitterness?

What about when I start feeling like a roommate instead of his other half?
Am I really supposed to choose hope instead of the overwhelming feeling of doom or blame?

When God says to be patient, kind, have no envy, not boast, not be proud, not dishonor others, not be self-seeking, not be easily angered, keep no record of wrongs, not delight in evil, to rejoice with the truth, always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.

Does that REALLY apply to ME?
Daily? Practically? In the mess? In the chaos? Amidst the anger?

They are wonderful “abstract” ideas that we can all agree are right and true but when it comes down to applying them daily are we as eager to say AMEN? To say let YOUR will be done Lord?

OR do we choose to fall, once again, and choose anger? Choose biting words towards our husband? Pull him down, yet again, with words of discouragement and blame?

Lord give ME strength to choose love, patience, and kindness.

Humble me in my pride and selfishness, the two things that are really at the root of every wrong response, action, thought towards my husband.

Please Lord, I CAN’T do it without you…

Wives, You Don't Need a Husband Who Loves You (excerpt from Boundless)

I had to share this! It hit me hard...

"I heard pastor and author Paul Tripp make the above statement at a conference a few months ago. I almost fell off the church pew. Tripp was obviously making a point, and it's this: nowhere in Scripture does God promise that our husbands will love us. Likewise, nowhere does He promise that wives will respect their husbands. The delivery of a wise, humble, attentive spouse (or a spouse at all, for that matter) is not guaranteed.

Logically, then, we don't need a husband's love to be a good wife, nor do we need a wife's respect to fulfill the role of godly husband. Expecting as much breeds an attitude of entitlement and denies the truth that "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness" (2 Peter 1:3). Moreover, it fosters a paralysis borne out of the assumption that our hands are tied because of the action (or inaction) of another, when in reality we have everything we need in Christ.

We are selfish people. We want others to meet our needs. We expect them to, quite frankly. And the minute we see them failing—threatening to disappoint, underdeliver, slack off or abandon us altogether—we cry "foul." We often see this dynamic play out in marriage (who doesn't know someone who got married for the purpose of having a partner meet their perceived needs?), but if we look closely, it manifests itself in many, if not most, of our relationships.

A great way to sum up this week's content is with a portion of the Scripture memory passage from this summer's Boundless Summer Challenge. Second Corinthians 5:14-15 states, "For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised." Whether you're living it out in friendships, marriage, family, at work or on the street, abandoning your wants and needs to the wants and needs of others is no small task. But it's a picture of the Gospel, and it's a beautiful thing."

Lisa (Boundless Webzine)

A Good Wife

I want to spend the next couple of months digesting each line of this excerpt from Rev JR Miller's book  “Home-Making” written in 1882. This week just read through the excerpt and try to really think on each line. This will be a great "series", if you will, to go through!

“A good wife is heaven's best gift to man.
His angel and minster of graces innumerable.
His gem of many virtues.
Her voice, the sweetest music.
Her smiles, his brightest day.
Her kiss, the guardian of his innocence.
Her arms, the pale of his safety.
The balm of his health.
The sure balsam of his life.
Her industry, the surest wealth.
Her economy, his safest steward.
Her lips, his faithful counselor.
Her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares.
Her prayers, the ablest advocate of heaven's blessing on his head.”

Submission of the Heart

“ Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
-Ephesians 5:22-23
I know what you’re probably thinking…we’ve all read this verse and heard so many sermons on it- not another schpiel…

Sometimes my first reaction to hearing this verse is one of gritting teeth. This scripture has been skewed so often to devalue women and allow men to rule over their wives in a sinful way, that I sometimes prefer not to hear it at all. I once heard of a husband who put his wife in the corner when she didn’t do what he asked…. How far from the purpose of this verse is that!?! I know that part of this cold reaction is a feminist-driven pride that mimics the curse over Eve exactly (yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you).

The other reaction you might be having is: oh, I know that verse well-CHECK, I am good to go. I have that down, no problem! This is usually driven by a self-righteous mindset.

The reality is that God wouldn’t have reminded us this truth through Paul unless we, as wives, needed to hear it.
I want my reaction to this verse to be one of encouragement and conviction. I know that I will never be perfect in this regards, but I want to enjoy the challenge of pursuing His righteousness in this way.

The hardest part of submission for me is the attitude of my heart when submitting. Any women can train herself to follow her husband’s lead exactly as he wishes, but can be only doing it outwardly. I want my heart to be cheerfully submitting. I don’t want my heart to harbor any resentment when he decides to not take my advice and go exactly the opposite way of what I thought was right. Or when the plans I had for the day are turned upside down.

Take some time to think back on the past couple of days, weeks, months- has your heart submitted fully to your husband’s lead or is there still a part of you that believes your route was still the better one (ready to remind him as soon as you get the chance)? Confess those sinful motivations to your husband and explain how difficult it can be to submit. Your husband will only be blessed by your honesty and be a great partner of accountability during future moments when it becomes hard.

Blessings to you in this pursuit of godliness in the attitudes of our hearts!

The Formula I Thought I Had To Follow

I came into marriage as equipped as I could have been. I had watched the educational movies, and read the books about marriage & about men and women. They were all extremely beneficial and I’m not discrediting being mentally prepared before marriage, but I feel that they instilled the idea of a formula in my head.

A couple of the things they taught me:

· I learned that I must always be a good homemaker and look good for my husband to make his day lighter when he returned home.
· I learned I had to have a cheerful attitude in everything I did, so he would desire to be around me and spend time with me.
· I learned that if I spoke his love language, he would always want to speak in mine in return.

And then real life hit me...

· I would come home mentally and physically exhausted from work. The last thing I wanted to do was clean up the house, create an extravagant dinner and put on a dress. And yet many days I did that…and then he would call to say he was running late. Utter disappointment.
· I would put on a fake smile when he got home late, but it only lasted a couple minutes- he would soon find out it was masking a lot of coldness toward him.
· I would satisfy him in the way he wanted to be satisfied (with the thought that I would then be satisfied later), and yet it seemed that my love language, quality time, always got put on the back burner.

The formula I read about, the “if”…”then”… rule soon fell apart. There is one huge fault with coming into marriage with that mindset- you married a sinful man and he married you, a sinful woman.

Yes, I believe that God has created us to act and react in certain ways. It is much easier to love a woman who is loving, kind and gentle. God’s word is true and he calls both sides to act in certain ways and His promises are true when His way is followed- NO DOUBT! And yet, life happens, stress happens and disappointment starts to kick in.

There were periods where I worked hard to keep exactly to the plan, to the formula I read about. After working so hard to be a certain person and act a certain way, I would find that it didn’t bring the results I had expected. Two things would then happen- both sinful.

Self-Centered Depression
I would end up in tears in front of my husband wondering what I was doing wrong? Why was my “love tank” so empty when I worked so hard to manipulate his actions to fill it? Was I not enough? What was I lacking?

Anger and Blame
He became the source of all emotional wrongful doing. I, self righteously, was constantly being a “good wife” and yet he was falling short in his husbandly duties.

How horribly sinful! When God called me to “die daily” and “lay down my life for my friend” how much more did he mean that in relation to the unison found in marriage.

I don’t mean all this to say that I no longer seek God’s righteousness in my marriage or not work to please my husband as the Lord commands. But ladies, just like we as Christian sinners can never achieve “holiness” in and of ourselves, we as wives can never be “perfect” in and of ourselves. Let us seek righteousness, fall at times, but continue to stand up no matter how often we fall. May the Lords name be praised in our every deed, motivation and thought!


My heart’s cry:
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10

My Selfish, Bitter and Dirty Heart

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”-Jeremiah 17:9 (KJV)

I originally didn’t want to start my first blog entry on a “bad note”, but I truly believe this is an issue that we, as young wives, get slapped with very early on in our marriage.

Our honeymoon time and the next couple weeks seemed to be very dating-like. I was more than willing to serve my husband and give things up for his sake. My feelings of “love” (really infatuation) drove me to be sacrificing and giving.

As time waned, I started seeing more and more of my “natural” self appear. Harsh words, annoyed looks, selfish actions came out that started showing how much my world was truly all about me. The ironic thing is both my husband and myself come from families with 12 children, so we’ve always prided ourselves in our non-selfish upbringing.

So things I didn’t think my husband would ever see in me started appearing….things I didn’t know I harbored were surfacing. The biggest one being bitterness which comes straight from selfishness. Ugly, ugly bitterness. The kind where little actions/words/reactions he had said or done were being stored in some distant place in my brain I didn’t know existed. I started having small outbursts that were initiated by seemingly meaningless things. And my “natural” self was being more and more exposed to the one person who was going to know me best.

When I used to hear the words “selfish” or “bitter” I never thought I’d associate them with myself.

 My husband was and continues to be amazingly gracious. Amidst all those outbreaks, his peaceful demeanor stayed strong. I would go straight to a “flight” response while my husband always chose “fight”. He wanted us to work through things as soon as they came up, while I wanted to rage out in a long “speech” and then walk out with stone-cold silence. How absolutely silly and detrimental my actions were (and sadly continue to be). I was always the one to create the divide between us in my self-righteous silence. HE was always in the wrong, while I was reacting with the justified response (or so I thought).

How shameful thinking back to how commonly the scenario above replayed itself within our first two years of marriage.

Marriage is a great test to see exactly how sinful and dirtied we are as people without Christ’s covering.

In conclusion, I know I don’t really include an “answer” to the issue of our selfish hearts- I want to address it further in another post, but I’ll end with this:

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”-Lamentations 3:22-24 (NIV)

Thank you dear Heavenly Father that your mercy and grace are so great towards us!

Vitaliy + Anastasia=LOVE

I figured the best way to start this blog about being a wife would be to share my love story- every girl loves telling hers! :)

Back story: at the age of 11 years old I had taken the “purity promise” that my teen years were the Lords and I wouldn’t pursue any relationships during that time period. This was a strong drive in my life to not be distracted by the male population. I had seen enough heartache and mis-guided attention pursuing a sense of “worth” in a relationship. Throughout my teens, especially my high school years, I saw many examples of broken relationships in my Christian and non-Christian friends and knew how much potential sin was possible, as well as the distraction it brought. My high school years were years of great spiritual growth and I continued to purpose in my heart to be used of the Lord in my singleness.

Moving along; I had just graduated high school, 18 years old, and was preparing to start my schooling at a University. My days were spent immersed in the ministries at the church I was attending. Between the children’s ministry, small groups and the worship ministry, my days were packed. That summer, I was helping at the Sunday School camp and met Vitaliy’s (my future husband’s) sister. She and I got to talking about how I was seeking a church that was filled with the simplicity of God’s word and His people, so she invited me to a small church she attended. I eventually visited the church and immediately wanted to dive in to what was going on there, so I started helping with the worship group.

As I continued to go to the church and got to know the families that attended, I realized that Vitaliy was starting to pursue me. He says that the first time he saw me at the church; he thought “I want to marry that girl!” I, on the other hand, was still standing firm on the purity promise I made years ago and still pursuing my mechanical engineering degree. Also, Vitaliy is 8 years older than me, so at the time he didn’t seem like a potential prospect due to the huge (my thoughts at the time) age gap.

Vitaliy was a sound engineer and told me he really liked my voice and wanted to record a specific song with me. Being a young vocalist/musician it was an opportunity of a lifetime! We met up at the studio (chaperoned by my mom and my sister) and laid down the vocals for the song. He worked on it further and then started hinting at a full album recording. He began emailing me samples of songs in the direction he was thinking to go. Eventually we started talking on the phone more consistently and emailing longer emails. What started as a discussion about music, soon became very deep and personal.

As our email and phone relationship grew, over about a month, we started to fall in love and talked about how if we were to date, it would only be for the purpose of marriage. BUT, I had to call things off. I felt convicted by the promise I had made years ago and knew that I was in a “relationship”, even though we’d never actually gone on a “date”. One night my Spirit was deeply convicted, so with a lot of tears and confusion, I called him and told him about my covenant with the Lord and said that I would have to talk to my parents about our relationship and only if they approved, would I then continue it. I spoke with my dad and explained my situation. He thought for a while. Talked extensively with Vitaliy and then blessed our courtship- we were overjoyed!  Anyone who knows my dad will know that it was truly a God-guided decision since my dad does not take relationships/dating lightly.

So with my parents and the Lord’s blessing, we spent the next 3 months courting under a pretty strict regime. Vitaliy was amazingly respectful of my parents and the guidelines they set- making me appreciate him even more. Even though at the time, the rules sounded ridiculous to me, I can now appreciate my parent’s caution when it comes to the sin you can fall into when you are emotionally and physically attracted to someone.

We spent the next three months courting and seeking God’s will for us. After that time, Vitaliy proposed! <3 and three months later (Oct of 2008) we were married! <3 So began my life as the wife of a musician/sound engineer/visionary! :)